Tell Papa, Papa Knows
Listening: I try to discover a little something to make me sweeter. Oh baby, refrain from breaking my heart.

Today I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. Last night, I had dinner with Booch and one of her friends from college and three of her friends. To be honest, I wasn't really up for it and they weren't really my people. They seemed like they would all grow up to be rich housewives who sat around gossiping about people an being appalled by the fact that someone down the block wore something that was so last season. Maybe I just got a bad bite of them. I was sitting in a bad place anyways (mentally), so I'm sure it didn't help. Maybe if I met them at another time or place, but I don't think Booch will have that happen. I think her words are, "Well, you'll probably never have to see them again." Eh. The food was good. We went to a tapas place near St. Mary's. I had chorizo on french bread, gazpatcho (big surprise) and some grilled green asparagus. My piss reeked this morning. One of the more unfortunate side effects of the delicious vegetable. Yeah, I was kind of a big baby yesterday. See the last post.

After dinner, we went in search of bubble tea. I've become a bubble tea whore as of late. I almost went and got some for my coffee break. I was close. Booch had never been to Porter Exchange. She seemd to be really amused by the mini J-town that they have going on over there. We tried to go into the grocery store with our bubble tea, but they were being all fascist about the ide of open containers in the market. Bastards.

Following bubble tea, I went home, took out the trash, watched some TV, ended up talking to Fester on the phone, and called it a night early. Yeah, that's right... Early. I had my teeth brushed by a quarter to midnight. I was in bed by a hair before midnight and I read some Hemingway stories until half past midnight when I went to sleep. Papa made it all better. I don't have a hard life. Nick Adams had a hard life. Damn that Marjorie. Why couldn't she have come into his life at the right time? Why did he have to struggle so hard? Why do any of us?

Today work was hell again though. Two of our workers were out. Mumbles was being a dick, as usual. SCUBA was prying into my unhappiness, and the guy next to me is useless. Yeah. I worked a lot today. I also got mad amounts of spam. I fuckin' hate spam. Dragon boat this and dragon boat that... But I did have a lot of good e-mails from Raver Girl and the other people heading to Amsterdam for Dance Valley. I'm starting to set all of that stuff up now. I am sooo looking forward to it. I think that it'll be a great release for me. I've been wound so tight lately that I think I'm just gonna snap soon.

Tonight is practice. People had better hope that I'm not coaching. I'll hurt 'em. But then again, if I'm not coaching, they're just delaying the inevitable. Then I have some dinner plans with a friend. We might meet up with The Violent One later on in the night. Saturday has busted wide open. I have nothing to do. Hulk wants to go out to drink and dance. Dunno. Dilemma. Sunday is practice and helping Boochie move. Should be a nice wet time. Oh well... Time to fly. Laterz, loverz. Fuck y'all, enemies.


  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/30/2003 04:39:36 PM

 
The Great Wall Of China
Listening: Why can't I get just one kiss? Why can't I get just one kiss? Maybe it's something that I wouldn't miss, but I look at your pants and I need a kiss

It's happening. The wall. I'm building it brick by brick. I can't stop my hand from picking up the next brick or troweling on the next layer of mortar. The most I can do is wipe my brow so that I can see the wall and pick up the next brick and the next scoop of mortar. Higher and higher, I build the wall. It leans in on me, so not only do I helplessly stack on the next brick, but I have to hold the wall up with my shoulder as well. Higher and higher the wall gets. Heavier and heavier it becomes, but I bear the weight. I'm the only one who can bear the weight. I can't let everyone else know that I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this for them and for myself as well. There is one brick missing, just enough to peek through. I can see my friends peering through at me. I can hear them begging me to let my wall fall, but I cannot. I must suck it up and endure the weight of the wall. They cannot help me. They cannot ease the pain. They cannot get to my side of the wall. I cannot get the hug that I so desperately need.

It happens every time I'm unhappy with a situation that I have no control over. Every time. I build a wall. I'm no longer the jovial man that everyone knows. I no longer spout the perverted jokes with the feeling that I did before. I become null and void. I turn gray. I lose the will to try. People like Glare, Totoro, Japanaphile, Rebound Girl, Carpenter and The Violent One have seen it before, and they have never given up on me. They know that someday, my wall will crumble. They will still be there when it comes down, time after time. Will you be there? Will I be there?

 
Mr. Tom Goes To Washington Part II
Listening: A man walks down the street and says, "Why am soft in the middle now? Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard."

So, I only have a short amount of time before I kersplode. Yeah. First day of work after an even more exhausting weekend... Mental breakdown. I'm still debating on whether I should go to practice or not. There are lots of reasons to go and lots of reasons not to go. I'll probably end up going because I'm a complete and utter idiot. Yesh. An idiot. An eeejit. An eeeembasil! I'm slap happy. actually, I'm not, but this is all just coming into my mind.

Just a bit more recap. Yesterday, I got up early with II Smooth. He slept soundly while I banged out the last entry. I felt like I was holding him up a bit, because I was rushing around shoving stuff into my suitcase so that I wouldn't have to do it later on that afternoon. I think he was finr though in the end. I walked him to Union Station where he left for Bethesda to work. I originally planned on drinking coffee and reading for an hour and a half before I met up with Bouldering and her "husband" for the Capitol tour. But after I wandered around looking for a cup of coffee, I saw the two of them. The "husband" had to go to Senator Gregg's office to unlock and so on and so forth, so Bouldering and I caught some breakfast in the form of ice coffee and a cinnamon scone for me and a glass of orange juice and a trail mix bar for her. We had a long discussion about people like Hulk, Fester, Hardcore, Harley, OC Girl, Shutter Bug. It was interesting hearing her thoughts about them. It was by no means a smack talking session, if that's what you're thinking. It was just interesting bouncing ideas off of her and her bouncing back. Here's an example of what we were talking about. We were talking about Fester and how a lot of people say that he tries too hard to be like me, which is something that I neither expect not advocate. We agreed that Fester is a good kid, but needs to relax and just be himself and find his own role, his own place in the team and that he shouldn't try so hard, because that's what kills him. That and the country music thing.

After our hour long discussion, we headed over to the "husband's" office building in the Senate Offices to the north of the Capitol Building. From there, he led us underground to a set of trams/subway-like thingies which we rode to the Capitol Building. From there we went through the underbelly of the Capitol Building and finally ended up in the main visitor's center. The "husband" took us all over the Senate side of the Capitol building. He was very thorough, but it wasn't as if he was rehearsed. He stopped to crack jokes and stuff. He said that normally, he just gives a spiel and that's that. He was much more personable with us.

After the Capitol tour, Bouldering and I headed off to the Smithsonian Mueseum of Modern Art because we had an hour and a half to kill before she had to be at Union Station to catch the train to BWI. It was a nice walk around. There were some really great pieces. But after an hour of walking around, I took Bouldering back to Union Station and then headed off to The Library of Congress. I figured as an English Major, should go and see it. I passed by the Supreme Court and finally came upon it. The Almighty Library of Congress. I went in and there was a huge line to get in. Apparently all of these people had set up thier tour ahead of time. There were no more open spots in any of the tours, so I was unable to see the miles and miles of books. *sigh* So I continued on.

From there, I walked all of the way to the Smithsonian Museum of American History. I spent most of the rest of the day there. The first thing I saw was this exhibit on September Eleveth. It was really intense. I was overwhelmed. I read stories and saw artifacts. I couldn't help it. In the middle of the exhibit, I started to cry. I don't know what came over me. I never cried when it happened. Maybe it was reading the individual stories that did it. But, I had to wipe away a number of tears. It felt like something was crushing my heart, squeezing blood until it poured out of my eyes.

After that, there just wasn't anything nearly as intense as that. It was a lot of nice and interesting stuff, but nothing quite as good. I mean, it's a great museum and all, but that exhibit just blew me away.

After going to see the Museum of American History, I walked all of the way to the Chinatown/Gallery Place Metro stop so that I could hop on the Red Line to go and meet my friend in Dupont Circle for dinner. She had had a bad day at the office, but we just sort of chilled and ate good food at Kramer Books and Afterwords. It was a nice way to end a trip.

A quick Metro ride and a bit of a hike and I was back at II Smooth's place picking up my gear and heading off to the airport. It really stinks that I don't get to see my DC friends that often, and when I am in town, I have a million things to do and to see. Blah!

The airplane ride was okay. Like the rest of that day, I spent most of it thinking. I hate when I think. I think too much. I analyze too much. I need to just go and do what I need to do and not worry about anyone else.

Well, I've got to leave work now. It's raining. I'm gonna get wet. Maybe practice is cancelled.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/28/2003 04:23:55 PM

 
Mr. Tom Goes To Washington
Listening: I'd love you to love me. I'm beggin' you to beg me.

A special DC version of the Life Update a.k.a. ZEN!!! Scriptures. Right now I'm at II Smooth's pad out in Northeast about a fifteen minute walk from "Cap' Hill." I'm crashing at his place tonite. So, let me catch you up on the weekend thus far....

So, I left work about a half hour early on Friday. I wanted to leave earlier, but people were being dorks and I had to fix stuff. Bastards. I left directly from work to go to Logan Airport. I thought there would be a long ass line at the airport, but there wasn't. I was at the airport by a quarter past four and had my boarding pass by half past four. I could have gotten on the five o'clock flight, but I had bought the ticket for the six. I should have found a way to take the five. I passed out for a bit in the airport. Yeah, I was sitting with my feet on my luggage snoring away. When five thirty came along and our plane came taxiing into the gate, everyone on my flight thought to themselves, "Nice! We'll be on the plane in a few minutes and we'll be in DC in an hour and a half." How wrong we all were... It turned out that when the plane pulled in, a maintainance crew started taking apart the engine on the right side of the plane. The airline couldn't really hide is, so at about five minutes to six, we were told over the loudspeaker that there was a maintainance crew on the plane and that they would know the status of the flight in five to ten minutes. In about twenty minutes, we got another announcement saying thet they were still working on the plane. They never actually mentioned what was wrong with the plane, but we could tell that they were picking apart the engine. Everyone knows where the engines are. Everyone knows that they're pulling parts out and throwing them down to the tarmac. Just say that the plane is fuct. Finally at about half past six, we get an announcement saying that there's another plane pulling into the next gate and that we're going to go on that plane instead. Finally, just before seven, we take off. That's an hour long delay.

On the plane, I was next to this sugary sweet couple. I don't think that they were as old as I was, but not only were they sugary sweet, they, talked about dumb shit. So I fell asleep. It's too bad they were sugary sweet and dumb to boot, because the girl was smokin'. It was eight o'clock by the time we disembarked. I had this whole schedule planned out. On the plane at six, off the plane at half past seven, at my friend's place by eight meeting my parents for dinner at half past eight. Everything got shifted a half an hour back. I know a half hour isn't that much, but when you're talking about dinner, you are, or at least I am.

Anyways, my friend and I met my parents for dinner at nine at a middle eastern restaurant called Bacchus. My parents bought me three Hemingway books while visiting his house in Key West. They had just gone on the seven day Disney Cruise. They're total Disney freaks. Anyways, I had this rather good lamb dish. I don't even remember what it was called. When it was brought to my table, I thought that it looked rather dry. But when I put it in my mouth, it was fantastic. That night, I planned on going out with dragon boaters for a little fun, but when push came to shove, the peeps weren't really up for it. So, instead, I wasnt back to my friend's place and just crashed. It was all for the best though.

I had to be up early on Saturday morning. I had to be at a hotel two blocks away from my friend's place to meet some dragon boaters at a quarter past seven so that I could make it to the captain's meeting at seven thirty. So, anyways, I get to the meeting and they do all of the standard stuff. I knew from the second that I heard them talk that this was going to be a disorganized race. The staff seemed to be really annoying and the teams all seemed to be pretty amateur. After the meeting, we went to the camp that we set up for the team. The ground was so damp, because of the rain that they had been having for the past two weeks. It was gray outside and I was getting the feeling that it was going to rain, but it didn't. Fester bought some plastic dropcloths so that we could sit on something dry, but alas, I don't think it really did the job. We tried to play music on the stereo, but it just wasn't cooperating. The power source was bad and we had to go out to buy batteries. Both Harley and I were hardore jonesing for the music. I can never really wake up until I hear some tunes. I was kind of surprised to see her jonesing that hard, but it was kind of cool too. I knew that she liked to dance, but this was ridiculous.

As far as racing went, we were one of four teams in the competitive mixed division. What this meant was that we were to be racing the same three teams in all of the heats. The first day, we had two races, a two hundred and fifty meter race and a five hundred meter race. In both races, we placed third, with Extreme NY taking first, Wall Street Dragons in second, us a very close third and New Jersey as a distant fourth. Both races. Keep this in mind. It'll come in more important later.

That evening, we went to have dinner at Tony Cheng's in Chinatown. Apparently it was supposed to be a fantastic Mongolian barbecue place. Unfortunately, we got none of that action. Instead, we got standard run of the mill Chinese food. It was cool though. It was only six dollars. Ya can't really complain that much about it. The sad part happened after the dinner. There was a bit of karaoke going on. Really bad karaoke. My whole table was heckling. I think I led the way though. Hardcore and another dragon boater got up and danced while a guy sang an old loungey tune. It was amusing. When this one cat stepped up to the mic and busted out an old Chinese tune, I threw up my rock hand and cheered him on. My team got a kick out of that. The guy singing appreciated it so much (even though I was clearly heckling the dood), that he said we were to be advanced to the finals. Too bad with only four teams in the division, we were already in the final.

When it really got dumb, we left and went to Jaleo and downed some Sangria. I was psyched. I think everyone had a good time. The alcohol was flowing. I was doing well. I think I was doing a rather nice job of schmoozing with this one girl on my team, but I'll get more into that later. There is more. Following Jaleo, we kicked it back to Dupont Circle and went to the Eighteenth Street Lounge, the club owned by Theivery Corporation. I was really pushing to go there. This place was amazing. If I lived in DC, I would proabably chill there at least once a week. First of all, there was no sign. My friend had to point it out and say, "This is where it is. Right next to the Mattress Discounter in the unmarked door." So, once you go in the door, a guy checks your ID and then you pay the ten dollar cover. Once you get to the top of the stairs, it's like a house. It opens into a stairwell. Once you go through the doorway to the right at the top of the first landing, you see a DJ booth. If you go to the DJ booth, to your left you'll see a living room-like area as well as a section of the room that has a dining room table. Continue through this room, and you'll get to a doorway leading out to a roofdeck complete with a bar and a kind of a covered terrace as well. Beautiful. If you make a right at the DJ booth, you'll see a bar, and just beyond the bar, there is another living room with cushy couches and chairs. If you go to the second landing up the stairs, you'll see the bathrooms in a hallway through a doorway. If you walk through the doorway, to your right, you'll see another bar and another living room. The different thing about this living room was that there was a live jazz band playing. It was soooooo cool. The music there was mostly chill. A lot of jazz influenced stuff for the beginning of the night. As the night progressed, the music got more and more upbeat, but never lost it's jazzy influence. At one point, we were all dancing. It was fantastic. I had the best time. I had good music, good drink and good company. One by one, the dragon boaters peetered out. Finally, it was just myself, Hulk, Hardcore and Harley. We finally left at about half past one or so. By the time I got back to my friend's place, it was two. I went to sleep peacefully and thoroughly exhausted.

The next morning, I woke up at eight thirty and took a cab to the race site. Everything got set up quickly and the music was jammin' quickly. The first CD I put on was the hip hop mix that I mad specifically for the race. It is filled with all sorts of old hip hop that I love. Harley was dancing and a couple of the other teammates were jammin' on it as well. Something that surprised me was when OC Girl made a comment on how old one of the tracks was. See, I thought that she really only followed classical music. I know that she told me that she listened to everything, but it never really sunk in. I guess that comment gave her a little more dimension for me. Made her more real.

The racing that day sucked. Our first race was the same as the other races that we ahd the day before. Came in a close third to a distant fourth. But the final two races of the festival, the competitve mixed two hundred and fifty meter and the competitive mixed five hundred meter races sucked. Our timing was off and I was off. I know it wasn't from the alcohol though. I think a lot of people would have blamed it on the fact that I drank a helluva lot on Saturday night, but I still had a clear head. My timing was off. The boat's timing was off. I personally felt responsivle for the loss that we racked up on our second race of the day, the two hundred and fifty meter final. We came in fourth to New Jersey's third. They changed their boat. I know that's no excuse. But they changed all of their ringers bringing in more power and so on and so forth. To make it worse, they bragged when they beat us. Fucknuts. I was about a half a second from running over to their team and shutting their mouths for them. I know they had a better race than we did, but they really didn't have to rub it in. It was poor sportsmanship. This was the beginning of my bad day. Following that race, I went back to the tent and just shut down. I was pissed at myself. I was pissed at the team. I was pissed at New Jersey. I was pissed at their captain. The team could read it. I wasn't hiding it. When it came to be my time to speak about the race, I declined to say anything, because I knew if that I said anything, I would get even more worked up. Instead, I went to the tent and turned up my best techno as loud as I could and just stewed.

Our final race was just as bad. Well, it wasn't just as bad, but we finished just as bad. I was still fuming from the last loss and everyone knew it. Jersey was mocking us in the staging area and I really just wanted to fight some of them, but I held it in and when some of my team mates tried to say stuff, I told them to keep the focus in the boat. As much as I wanted to talk the smack, I knew it wasn't the right place to be doing it. I knew that in order, at least, to keep the integraty if the team, I had to shut everyone up. We had a good start that race. The timing still wasn't there. It sucked, but I didn't say it sucked in the end. I figured that I should let everyone else believe that we ended on a good note regardless of how we finished.

By the time the races were done, I was spent.... Physically, mentally and emotionally, I was spent. I was finished. I was a useless lump of nothingness, void of everything but depressing thoughts. I went to my friend's place, showered, cleaned up, took a quick nap and then went to dinner with the rest of the team. I was tired of focusing on the team. I couldn't worry about them anymore. I could barely worry about myself. I really wasn't up for the whole big group dynamic. So, we went to dinner at this really mediocre restaurant. At least my prime rib was pretty good. Hulk's filet mignon looked like an old shoe. It was disgusting. I don't even think it looked passable. Yeesh! I spent most of the time heckling the restaraunt with OC Girl. I joked with her that we should leave, even before we got seated. When we had finished dinner, I decided that I really didn't want to stick around for dessert. I was still spent and I at least wanted to salvage the night with a nice dessert and a nice drink. So I told the group that I was going back to Dupont to look for dessert. They all decided to come along. First, I tried Kramer Books & Afterwords, but we didn't get in, because there was such a long line. We tried Cosi as well, but no dice. Finally, we ended up at this bar on the second floor of a large building with a nice open air mezzanine. I spent most of the time there concentrating on the drink that OC Girl bought me and talking with her and with Shutterbug.

By the time that everyone was ready to go home, I think that I was too. However Hulk, Harley and Fester still wanted to stay out. Now, as everyone knows, I am never willing to admit that I'm beat. I'm never willing to give up on a night because I'm tired. That's just weak. Instead of doing the smart thing and heading back to my friend's place, I went out to Club Five to go out dancing. The funny thing about this was that it was gay night. Ha Ha. It was so strange. It was like myself, Hulk and Fester were the only three guys with our shirts still on. There were tons of half naked buff gay men dancing around. The music was reasonable, but it was very gay. Fester had never been to a gay club. Hulk was getting hit on, so to speak. And Harley was psyched, because there were dozens of hot men around her and none of them were hitting on her. Funny. See, I didn't really dance much. I spent my time on the balcony watching while the three of them got their groove on. When they finally came back up to the balcony, I was ready to go and I told them that I was going to bounce. So, we all bounced.

Today, I woke up late and went to meet up with II Smooth to drop my stuff off at his place. From there, we went and walked around "Cap' Hill." I went to see a number of the monuments, The Washington, The Lincoln, The Jefferson, The Vietnam War and The Korean War. I walked along the Mall and saw the Reflection Pool. They were all very impressive, but not nearly what I had anticipated. The Vietnam Memorial wasn't nearly as touching as I thought it was going to be. The Korean War Memorial was more touching than I thought it was going to be. The Washington Monument was shorter than I thought and the Lincoln was more intense. I didn't expect much from the Jefferson Monument, but it was a pretty cool place too.

So, those are the events that lead us up to now. So, now, I have to go back and explain some of the more emotional parts of the weekend....

I'll start with Harley. See, as most people on dragon boat probably can tell, she's like a flame and all of us guys are moths. There are a number of people ballin' for her. Hulk, Fester, Hardcore, Mr.Ebay. They're all gunnin' for her. I'm afraid that I'm somewhat caught up in that too. It's not because Harley is "hot," like everyone says that she is. It's not because she's crazy athletic or anything like I seem to think everyone else sees, it's something else. I can't quite put my finger on it. I know it's not the "hot" factor, because everyone else met her before I did and was talking her up. When I finally met her, I said to them, "You know, she's attractive and all, but you should be careful how you describe someone. When you pump someone up that much, they had better have the goods to back it up." So initially, I wasn't all that interested in her. But, after talking to her for a while, getting to know her, I genuinely became interested in her. I don't know. It just happened. She came out to see The Matrix Reloaded and came to Soul Revival. Seeing her dance continuously for the entirety of Soul Revival really locked it in for me. Another thing that made me hetsitate was that all of these other guys where after her. I didn't want to be just another guy. I'm not just another guy. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I'm not just another guy. But, I was afraid that if I amde a play for Harley, I would be just another guy. I explained this to one of my friends on the team, and she said that that was precisely the reason why I should go after her, because I'm not an average Joe. I'm different and that's what will seal it in for most girls. She has a strong anguement, but I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about it. I knew that Hulk was gonna gun for her and I knew that Hardcore would probably gun given any bit of thought on his part. I wasn't all that worried about Fester or Mr.Ebay I know it's bad to say, but Mr.Ebay is way too old and Fester needs to learn how to work his game before he guns for anyone. He's got it, he just needs to know how to work it. Anyways, this weekend was kind of a rollercoaster in that respect. Saturday night when we went to the Eighteenth Street Lounge, I really felt like I had a leg up. I knew where the cool scene was. I provided for the common good. I was having some great interaction with her and we danced up a storm. I know that I wasn't the only one dancing with her, but I was kind of playing it cool, dancing with a number of people from the team. I just thought I had a good leg up. On Sunday at the races, it really looked like Hulk had the leg up. That was the cherry on my misery sundae for the day. There are three girls on the team pulling for me with her. They think we'd be cute together and that we'd mesh rather well, from what they know of her. I tend to agree given what I know of her so far. But two of the three of them came up to me and said that it looked like Hulk was winning and that the end of the battle may be near. I really didn't know, and I really didn't feel like stepping up on that particular day. So, that gave Hulk free range to run away with it. In addidion to all of this, I have had a problem pursuing Harley, because I don't like going up against friends when it comes to women. I don't. It bothers the hell out of me. It destroyed a friendship that I had in my Freshman year of college. Actually, it destroyed two. That's why I try not to do it. Somehow, Harley compelled me to do so. So, I started to ball for her, but I told myself that if things got rough, I would step off. This is for a number of reasons. The first reason is that I 'm tired of chasing. I am. I've chased entirely too many women and they have ended badly or haven't started at all. Second, I think that if a girl doesn't want me like I want her, then it's simply not worth it. I'm done playing games with women. Finished. It's obvious that I am interested in something with Harley. Everyone can see it, I've talked about it with a couple of people. If she can't figure it out, well then, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Another thing.... If she does get with someone else from the team, that would completely drop her off of my radar. I don't do sloppy seconds from my friends. I just don't roll like that. So, now, I am where I am. Hulk seems to have the upper hand. I question asking her out on a date. This sucks. This is another thing that made Sunday suck.

On a more positive note, I wanted to give a shout out to my hero of the weekend. OC Girl was amazing on Sunday. She is most definitely my hero and my savior for the night. She kept me from sulking too much. She listened. She talked. She added. She reassured. I learned a lot more about her this weekend and I think she learned a great deal about me as well. With her wit, caring, insight and love for food, she really bored her way into my heart. She rules! It's amazing that we've known each other for six months, or a bit more than that, and we've really only scratched the surface of each other. I really feel that she will get to know Jason, and not just ZEN!!!. To my hero of the day, OC Girl, I raise my glass. More dinners to come, hon! I'll meet ya in front of the ghetto food shacks and bodegas.

So, that's me for now. I'm meeting a team mate and her Husband (her version of my The Violent One) for a tour of the Capitol. I'm also gonna check out some of the Smithsonians. I haven't decided which ones yet. Maybe I'll flip some coins and leav it to chance. I get home tomorrow evening. I think The Violent One is gonna pick me up at the airport. I'll let you know on Wednesday afternoon.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/26/2003 11:56:25 PM

 
I Hate Being Like This
Listening: Now I dream of you, but I still believe there’s only enough for one in this lonely hotel suite.

So, yesterday, I cooked for seven friends. I shouldn't have done that. I had a headache coming out of work that I didn't acknowledge. I was tired and I was crabby, but I didn't realize it until everyone by The Violent One was gone. I went from joy mode to vent mode. It happened rather quickly too. I have to say I didn't cook the best meal. It wasn't nearly as good as it usually is. To be honest, I was disappointed and for those who have never had my cooking before, I don't think I made a very good impression. I wasn't very relaxed when I was preparing the food, so I think I put a lot of that tension into the food. I had a million things going on at once and there were entirely too many people in the kitchen. I wished they would have gone to the TV room or into the dining room to chat. I just got crowded all over the place. Yeah, the food didn't taste right to me. Maybe it tasted okay to everyone else, but it tasted mediocre at best to me.

I should have checked the warning signs. I was braindead at work. I wasn't necessarily happy yesterday. I had a minor headache that bordered on the "I don't know if it's my head or my stomach," kind of border. I had no time to nap when I got home. I was running around all over the place. I layed down for about fifteen minutes and turned on my Corrs DVD, but I didn't get any shut eye.

Anyways, what it came down to is that I am dissatisfied with the state of my social life, as usual. If there's a girl I dig, I don't want to have to jockey with other people to get with her. I've been chasing girls for far too long to keep doing it. I'm tired of chasing and I'm tired of trying to fend people off, especially when nothing pans out anyways. I want someone who's looking for me as much as I am looking for them. I don't know. I'm just put off right now. I need to meet more people. I need to meet more people who have lots of female friends. It seems like I have the most friends of most of the people I hang out with. This does not increase my dating pool.

Also, last night, my M.O. was uncovered. I'm the guy who's the friend who has the hidden crush, who works his way into a relationship. I guess now all of the ladies on my team are gonna be hip to it. Actually, to tell you the truth, I think I need a girl to take me away from dragon boat. You know, a girl who will make me say to the team, "I can't make it to practice today. I have a date with my girlfriend."

The sad thing is that I'm not even necessarily looking for sex. I'm looking for the spoon. You know, just laying there next to each other, wrapped around each other, breathing in and out at the same time warm and cozy, being able to smell the girl's hair and to talk with. Someone to make feel safe and to make me feel safe and content. Someone who I could talk to, but I don't have to talk to. That's what I'm looking for. You know, I sound like a sick pervert in person, but as much as I may or may not be into those things, what is important is all stated in this paragraph. It's the connection that I'm looking for. A real, genuine, person-to-person connection, because I don't feel that I have the connection that I am looking for in any of my friends. Not even my "wife" The Violent One.

But let it be known, that she is a phenominally amazing person and that any guy would be incredibly lucky to have a girl like her. She's smart, tough, amusing and has good tastes. So, she does tend to ramble a little bit or gets scattered from time to time, it's something that grows on you, or at least frustrates the hell out of you. If any of y'all are interested, I'm screening applicants for the "Object of The Violent One's Affections" position.

Anyways, back to the pissy mood. So, I'm not feeling all that hot today either. I don't know what I'm going to do during the races this weekend. Maybe I'll just sleep between races. I'll curl up in the corner of the tent, because it'll be pouring outside, and I'll sleep and read. I'll go out by myself at night if no one wants to go to the places where I wanna go. I'm not up fro dealing with a democracy. I would much rather be like, "I'm going here... If you wanna come, come. If you don't, don't." I am going to go to The Eighteenth Street Lounge, just because it's owned by the Theivery Corporation. I'm hoping that there will be some nice chill music going one there. I need good music.

I take off in three hours. I need to leave the office soon. I want to get to the airport early. It'll give me more insulation time... Time to insulate my negative vibes inside instead of projecting them onto other people. I'm hoping to go out drinking tonite. I need a drink badly. Time for me to try to close up shop. I'm gonna leave early today. I gots ta lug my stuff to Government Center from Downtown Crossing. Bah!

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/23/2003 12:56:37 PM

 
The Crunch
Listening: Alison, I know this world is killing you. Oh, Alison, my aim is true.

Last night, practice was interesting. We have yet to have a practice with a full boat. What is this world coming to? Don't we want to have a good showing? I realize that I sound a bit fatalistic, but hey. I tell you, though, I'm going to milk every bit of energy out of them. I have a whole dynamic monologue worked out in my head about team work and about how I'll be proud of them as long as they put in a hundred and ten percent. I'll tell them that I know they can do it and all they have to do is do what they know how to do. I'll tell them that I want to be able to say, when my parents ask me "how did you do?" "We had a fantastic race and paddled better than we ever did in practice. We came to race and we raced. I'm very proud of my team." I know, it's cheesy, but when it comes down to it, that's all I really want. I want them to paddle their best. I want them to paddle their asses off. f they're not tapped out by Sunday night, then there's something wrong.

Today has been mind-numbing. I've been planning this cooking night, trying to figure out who is coming and what I'll be cooking, what music I'll have on and whether we'll all be able to fit around the table. It's gonna be my famous (err... my mom's? my mom's cook book's?) turkey lettuce wrap. I hope everyone likes it. Right now the roster is as follows: Boochie, THE Hustler, Ye-ah, Hulk, Sassy, Fester and Harley. That's eigth of us. I hope I make enough food and I hope I don't make too much. I don't need leftovers hanging around for the long weekend. Right after work, I have to kick it home, drop off the chinese groceries that I bought today, change, go to Royal Pastries to purchase dessert, go home to drop the pastries in the fridge, go to Star Market to pick up the rest of the required groceries and finally go home to cook. If I had an extra five or ten minutes, I would take a nap, because I am bushed. I am just exhausted for no apparent reason. I think just being at work qualifies as a reason. I had bubble tea with lunch today. That's something to be happy about.

So, tonite cooking for friends. Tomorrow, off to DC. I'm staying with one of my COOT friends, the same one I stayed with when I was in DC during President's Day weekend. I'll stay with her for the first two nights and then I want to stay with II Smooth for the second two nights. I didn't see either him or his girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine) last time due to the snow. Anyways, I'm gonna go. Stuff to do.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/22/2003 03:35:00 PM

 
Lost Track Of Time
Listening: Around the world, around the world...

Last night was simple. Come home, burn CDs, do laundry, fill scooter tires, watch TV. For soem reason I was restless all night though. I rode my scooter to the T this morning ebcause I was running fifteen minutes behind. I got those fifteen minutes back real quick. I can totally rock out on that little scooter. The people in my workplace are amused by the scooter. I'm still amused by the scooter. I love riding it. It handles like a dream... It corners like it's on rails. I just wanted to say that. It's almost four. I need to go home. I'll write something more interesting tomorrow. I'm sure it'll be more interesting. Last practice before DC. Should be interesting.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/21/2003 03:57:26 PM

 
The Sun Is Warm. The Grass Is Green... Hey! I'm Serious!
Listening: Don't you find it kind of hard to keep up your cool?

So, last night I trekked this rather sizable, awkward box back to my house with my scooter in it. I assumed that there would be some assembly required, but, when I opened it up, there was no assembly required. In fact, it was all in one piece. There was no manual either. I still have yet to figure out how to pump up the tires, because the air valves look a lot smaller than the ones I'm used to seeing. It's strange. I may have to take it to a bike shop. I don't know. The Violent One might have to take me to a bike shop to ask them. *shrug*

Practice last night was pretty good. The weather was beautiful. I couldn't imagine a better set of weather conditions to paddle in (though I wasn't paddling). We did almost all race pieces. The crew looked a bit dead at the end of practice. It still didn't look even close to anything that we had last year. I'm a bit disappointed. Where the hell is our power? Where the hell is our timing? What the hell is going on? Hulk wants to make this a "fun" race. You know, I'm all for fun, but I'm also for going and kicking some ass. I dunno how this race is going to shape up. My voice is shot right now. I need for it to get better in a hurry.

After practice, Hulk, Fester, Palms, Harley and I went to grab sushi at the Bluefin in the Porter Exchange mall. It was end of the night sushi, but I hadn't had sushi in a while, so I was thoroughly happy. I did some shopping at the Japanese grocery store so that I would have some provisions. We were at the Porter Exchange until after ten o'clock. Hulk drove us all home.

Upon my return home, I turned on the TV to watch the 24 rerun that I missed on Tuesday to prepare myself for the season ender and burned some CDs while I was at it. I also watched the end of the Spurs/Mavericks game. I was thoroughly impressed with the Mavs. I haven't watched them all season, but they were kickin' ass in the last quarter of the game.

And that was my night.

Today at the office was pretty humdrum. Same old shit from the same old people. I did, however, have lunch with Harley today. Yesterday I had e-mailed her about the weather, asking if it was to her Californian liking. So today, she shot me back an e-mail telling me that it was going to be eighty-three degrees outside and that she was planning on hangin' out outside today. I somehow managed to coax her into coming to the Boston Common to grab lunch with me. There's nothing like a pretty girl with entertaining stories to make one want to step outside the office for lunch. No. Serious. I haven't been going out for lunch much since Junior left and since FOP and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on her work/work ethic. I liked if. For the first time in ages, I actually took a full (if not a long) lunch. Yay.

Tonite is laundry and season ending stuff on TV. It's my relax day before all of the craziness this weekend. Gotta go... Laundry calls... loudly...

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/20/2003 04:07:19 PM

 
This Is What A Weekend Is Supposed To Be Like
Listening: Say my name, say my name. When no one is around you, say,"baby, I love you."

This was a really great weekend. It all started on Friday. After work, as usual, I went to practice. It was an okay practice. It wasn't all that memorable, though. I actually can't remember what we were doing, but after practice, Hulk, Sassy, Fester, Ma4, Harley and I went to grab dinner at the sub shop on Charles Street. It was amaznig how poor the service was, but oh well. It was cheap and it wasn't god-awful. They didn't have spaghetti for Hulk. There was no cheese in Fester's lasanga. They thought we ordered a meatball snandwich that we didn't, etc. It was altogether amusing. The thing that got me was that it was an Italian themed place and yet, they were all Indian. I guess it all starts with the same letter "I."

Following that, I booked it home to change and clean up before going out to see The Matrix Reloaded. The Violent One picked me up at a little past nine or so and we drove to the Boston Commons parking garage to park before going to the Lowes on the Common. At that time, I had two extra tickets. I had bought eight thinking that I would be able to give them all to my friends, but alas, no. I had two maybes, but before they could get back to me (they called me at a quarter to ten and the tickets were for the ten thirty show), I hocked their tickets for a dollar less than I paid for them. That sucked. So it was myself, Carpenter, The Violent One, Booch, THE Hustler and Harley. As I said before, I was really surprised to get a response from Harley for going to see The Matrix Reloaded, because she never seemed like much of a joiner before. She never came out to dinner with us or anything, but that could all be because she was still in school at that point. It was an interesting mix of people. A college friend, a swing dancing friend, a friend I met through a friend, her boyfriend, a friend from dragon boat and me. Weird. Such a mix. But then again, most of my friends get along very well, so it's all good.

The Matrix Reloaded wasn't quite as good as I wanted it to be. The two hour and fifteen minute movie could have been condensed into probably an hour and fifteen minutes. The plot of the movie didn't deserve to be one third of the Matrix story. The fight scenes were well choreographed, but some of the digital images of the actors were a little lacking. It looked like a videogame for parts of it. I really hope that the final installment redeems the movie. This is not to say that I didn't have a good time watching this movie, nor do I want those two hours and fifteen minutes of my life back like I did when I went to see Punch Drunk Love, but I did have higher hopes. I wonder if I bought into the hype a little too much. I think the one thing that made the movie was Neo's coat. It kicked ass. I want one. Yeah. I would look kick ass with that coat on. Something funny I noticed was that all of the Asians in the movie were somewhat subservient and stuff like that. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. That's how it was. Always playing second fiddle.

The next day, I went to go get my hair cut at Trillium, which is where Carpenter gets his hair cut. Instead of getting my hair cut by a flamboyantly gay man, which I have no issue with, seeing as I used to have it done all of the time when I was at Colby, I got my hair cut for the very first time by an Asian woman. She was actually Japanese and we talked about travels to Japan and food for the entire hour she was primping my hair. It was nice. My stomach started to rumble a little bit because of the combination of the food talk and the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast that day. It's a nice haircut. She really thinned it out. It has a sharper spike to it. I think it has more of a "hwa-shing!" quality to it.

Since I was hungry, I went to The Otherside Cosmic Cafe for a bowl of gazpatcho and then wandered around Newbury Street for a little while. By that time, it was a little before three and I decided that I should probably go run some errands that I had been putting off for a while. So I kicked it back towards home and then walked down towards the Galleria. On my way there, I ran into a friend who just bought a condo with his wife. They had been in the same apartment for twelve years and they have finally moved into their own place, their very own first home together. I welcomed them to the neighborhood and got a tour of their place, which was really quite nice. They had the most beautiful kitchen. *swoon* How I long to cook in that kitchen. Stainless steel everything, modern gas stove, fridge with ice and water dispenser. How it makes my knees quiver.

Anyways after a brief distraction, I made my way to the Galleria to buy soap and to pick up hair care products. (Yes, I'm a little vain.) The great thing was that the hair care products were all half off! Score! So I bought two tubes of gel instead of one. After that I went hom, dropped off my crap, picked up the cash box the needed to be returned to Office Max and got that done. After a quick dinner, The Violent One picked me up and we went to OMG's little house party. I chatted with friends and met some new people. I met this one girl who I couldn't decide if she was in the "attractive" or "not ugly, not attractive either" catergory. *shrug* It didn't really matter anyways.

I busted out of the party at about a quarter to ten and headed over to Porter Square to meet Hulk, Harley, Mr. Ebay and Carpenter so we could go to Soul Revival. Harley and Hulk were there, but I had to call Carpenter to wake him up and Mr. EBay called me to tell me that he had just gotten into town and that it probably would be easier if we picked him up at MIT. So we jumped into Hulk's car and picked Mr. EBay at MIT. Carpenter was going to meet us there. The party wasn't quite bumpin' when we got there, but it was getting there. Once we got dancing, it was heaven. I was having the best time. VWMod and his friend were there. Shutterbug met us there, as did Ma4. Even Medi Girl came out. It rocked! This Soul Revival was kind of a tribute to Nina Simone. They had some people singing over the beats and some people reading poetry over the beats. Aww, man, was it good! It topped last time. I'm already anticipating next month's Soul Revival.

So, I got home at about three in the morning. My grandparents wanted me to take them to the airport at a quarter to seven. I had practice at half past nine. This is how it all went down. I get home at three and immediately crash. At half past four, my grandfather tries to wake me up. I tell him to get his stuff together and to wake me up when he's about to call the cab. He wakes me up at five thirty. I ask him if he has called the cab or is going to call the cab soon. He says in an hour. I go back to sleep. Finally he wakes me up at half past six and I get up. I take them to the airport and I leave the airport at about half past seven to a quarter to eight. I hop on the T and decide that it's not worth going home, so I get to the docks at about a quarter past eight to half past eight. I lay down on the docks to take a nap. At a little past nine, OC Girl arrives and wakes me up. That was my Sunday morning.

Sunday was the first time this season where I have coached a full boat. One week before a race, I get to coach a full boat. No wonder my voice has been shot. I killed it. I was running race pieces and such and my throat got killed. I don't think it would have happened had I been running more full practices or had more people showed up to the practices that I was coaching. I had to go get lozenges my throat was hurting so bad. At the same time as I got the lozenges, Harley and I went to get lunch. The guy who was making our sandwiches and our bubble drinks was slower than whale shit. I mean g'damn. Eeyore could have made a sandwich in less time.

So I was at practice all day and since my cupboards were bare, I went out to eat with dragon boaters at the Cambridge Brewing Company. Instaed of riding in the cars, Harley and I decided that it would be better to walk. So, we walked the Longfellow Bridge and got there no more than two minutes after they did. Pretty sad that they were driving so slow, huh?

For the rest of the night I was burning mixes onto CDs from The Violent One's computer. I still have a few more copies to make. It should be done by the end of tonite.

I'm running short on time. I have to get home, but I got my scooter at work today. I'm gonna take it home and I'm gonna put it together. Woo woo! Gotta go.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/19/2003 04:11:02 PM

 
And The Week Looks Up... I Think
Listening: You know what I've been guilty of... Sweet love...

So, yesterday was pretty humdrum. I got home, took one of the best naps thus far this year, ate dinner, paid bills, went to meet a friend, went to see Midnight Snack (who were off their game that night as far as I felt), and went home and went to sleep. See, it was all pretty damn boring. I don't have much to say about it.

This weekend should be good. I was lucky enough to hit up Fandango to get eight The Matrix Reloaded tickets for the ten thirty showing at the Lowes on the Common. Right now five of the tickets are taken and I have three left. I haven't heard from Carpenter, so I don't know if he's in or not. Right now it's me, The Violent One, Booch, THE Hustler, and a girl from dragon boat that I haven't figured out what to name. So, three tix.

Tomorrow, I'm getting a hair cut and I am also going to Soul Revival that evening. I know that OMG and her housemates are having a little shindig. I may even stop by early in the night, but I really want to go to Soul Revival. I think I need the house music. It flows through my veins and I need a new supply of plasma. My job just has been suckin all of the soul out of me. Hulk, Mr. EBay, Carpenter, Booch, THE Hustler and the unnamed dragon boat girl are coming as well. I'm psyched. I just wanna dance. Yeah, dancing!

Then, Sunday I'll be training all day long. We need to get ready for the DC race. I'm psyched. I wanna win. The Violent One is coming over to my place on Sunday evening so I can burn a bunch of CDs on her computer. I'm gonna make at least three full mixes and I'm gonna give 'em away at the end of the race. Whoever wants 'em can have 'em.

And, that will be my weekend. I have to go now. I have twenty more minutes of work, and I just want to tidy my shit up so that when I come in on Monday it doesn't look like a bomb hit the place. Then it's off to practice with me.


  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/16/2003 03:37:55 PM

 
Low On Time
Listening: Give a little light. Give a little love. People hold on. We've got to be strong

So today was hella busy. FOP was out today and I was doing some of her work that I had never seen before. In addition, another guy and SCUBA were late as well. So it was Mumbles, a dumb dude and myself. It was thoroughly aggravating. Made me want to throw down and stuff.

Anyways, last night's practice was fine. It was there. Everyone said it was cold, but I really wasn't cold at all. As usual, I had dinner after practice. I did happen to get some bubble tea as well. Then, like the cheese ball that I am, I came home, showered, and watched that Dawson's Creek series finale that I had taped. I couldn't help it. I used to watch the show when I was in college. I just dug it for some reason. Could it have been the attractive leading lady? Anyways, I think that the series ender could have been written better. It was a bit lame and a little bit heavy handed with the tear jerking. Everyone likes a little subtle tear jerking, but when you're beating someone over the head screaming, "Cry, you little bitch, cry!" then it gets to be too much. I hope the Buffy series finale is better. I don't know how they're gonna finish in an hour. I think it'll take more time than that. All I know is that the character Spike is gonna end up on Angel. That and then 24 season finale should be good. I am such a nerd.

Well, it's time for me to go. I need a nap.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/15/2003 04:16:06 PM

 
Foul Balls In A Twist
Listening: I don't wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart. If I just stay here just a little bit longer, if I stay here would you just listen to my heart?

I don't know what my deal is. I've been in a rather nasty foul mood for the past couple of days. I have no clue what my deal is. I think I've just taken in a general angry mood for a bit. I find that I have been rolling my eyes a lot at things other people have to say, or at last I have been rolling my eyes in my mind. Everything people do annoys the hell out of me. Surely, everyone can't be annoying. It's true that there are people that I find unannoying, but they all have their moment. Grr. People. Grr. Unfortunately, I have to deal with them all of the time. I'm not saying that I don't want to deal with them. I just want them to stop being stupid. Start being aware of themeselves in respect to other people. Don't get in my way. You know I'm cruising up on your tail. You know I'm walking at five miles per hour and you're walking at five inches per eon. Move out of my fuckin' way. Stupid people. STOP FUCKIN' WITH MY MOSEY!

Another thing that has been annoying the hell out of me is people not doing their own fuckin' work and expecting me to do it for them. "Can you make this one photocopy?" "Can you look at this issue for me?" "Can you sign this so that I can leave it in my in box and not take care of it after that?" "Can I give you attitude when I haven't done my job and you ask me about it?" Fuckers. DO YOUR FUCKIN' JOB! Shit. I know all of the tricks, because I used to play them. I used to be the guy who used to be able to get other people to do his homework for him. I was the guy who put in minimal effort to get by. If you're going to try to scam me, you had better scam me. If you can't you're just wasting both of our time, and you know how I feel about people wasting my time.

Anyways, onto bigger and better things. VWMod e-mailed me a sample business plan for a restaurant. It was really interesting. In addition, it didn't look as hard to put together as some other business plans that I have seen. I think the toughest part of the whole business plan would be the aquisition of data the justify the need for a coffee shop whereever I decide to plop it down and the structure of the company that will run the shop. This business plan mentioned a board of directors and stuff. I don't even know if I want that many people's hands in the pot. On Monday, I stopped into the MIT COOP and bought a book called The Complete Restauranteur: A Practical Guide to the Craft and Business of Restaurant Ownership. I've been reading it on the T and before going to sleep. It is such a fast read that I'm sure I'll have to read it twice to make sure I got everything. I have enjoyed hearing about these different restaurants and how they came about. It tries to break everything down into nice digestable bites (no pun intended). Hopefully I can learn from this book and could get ahead of the game somehow.

Last night, I was over at the Otherside Cosmic Cafe celebrating the fact that Booch got someone to sublet her room in the house with the sexually repressed crunchy folk. I noticed that the music was really grading. I know I want music to be a big part of my cafe, but I don't want it to be overly oppressive, unless there's a real DJ coming to spin. So, I figure I'll have my mixer set up for two amps that I can switch between. One would feed to small speakers around the cafe and the other would feed to a larger set of speaker stacks in front of the DJ. Of course there would have to be monitor speakers as well, but I figure that would be standard.

I haven't decided on the menu yet. At first, I was thinking just coffee and pastries, but then I think I would be losing out on the whole lunch crowd thing. It's a big question. There would be a lot of cost involved as well as a lot of potential profit. I suppose that it depends on where the location is. I have to say that I am also fairly afraid of rent. I know how hefty Boston rents can be, no matter whether you're in Cambridge, Sommerville, Allston, Brighton, Brookline or JP. Anywhere you go, the rent is gonna kill you and is gonna take a big fat bite out of any potential profits. Sucks. Too bad I'm not in a cheaper city.

Anyways, I have to go. I really want to leave the office. I can't wait to get out of here. I have another twenty minutes, but I want to make sure that I am clicking on the "Logout" button the second that the clock strikes four. Then it's off to do some stuff before practice. I hope we have a good practice today. I hope we have a good turn out. I am, however, a bit concerned that I am paddling this close to a race. I think that since the DC race is a week and a half away, I should probably be running the practices as the drummer. The people in the boat should be getting used to my calls. I should actually be running the practices with the full boats instead of the three rows that I have been getting for the past three weeks. It just doesn't make sense to me. Have me coaching when there's no one there and have me paddling when we almost have a full boat. Eejits. Anyways...

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/14/2003 03:49:00 PM

 
Something's Missing...
Listening: I thought love was just a fabrication, a train that wouldn't stop at my station, home alone, that was my consignment, solitary confinement.

So, this weekend... Friday, since practice was cancelled, I just chilled at home and ate dinner, whereas if there was practice, I would have been out on the river until eight o'clock. I crashed out for a bit of time. Work has really been leaving me tired. It's not that I have been working harder or have been doing more stuff. It's that I find that being here, being at work is mentally taxing. Sometimes I think that I'll pop out of my cube some day and start screaming at the top of my lungs while chucking my many plastic toys at people. Then, when I run out of plastic toys, I'll start with the office supplies until I am finally down to my stapler and a box of staples which I use to reload the stapler which I use to staple people to objects and to each other. I staple mouths closed and eyes shut. So, it takes a lot of my mental faculties to keep it together. Maybe that's why I've been doing so much research as of late on the idea of opening up a cafe. Mentally taxing, that's what this place is. It shouldn't be, but it is.

After dinner, I made my way to Harvard Square to see Kevin So at Club Passim for his CD release show. It was pretty good. The Violent One, Ye-ah, OMG, Bombadier, Blondie, Shutterbug and some others were there chillin' with us. It was kind of strange. I saw this one girl there that I swear I've met before, but I couldn't place her face with a name or how I had met her. I hate it when that kind of stuff happens. And I'm not bold enough to go over to her and say, "Hey, haven't we met before somewhere?" It all seems a bit cheesy. After the concert, a bunch of us (including some band members) cruised over to the Border Cafe for some margaritas. It was kind of fun. I talked with Blondie a lot about starting my cafe. I told him that I wanted to wait a year and just try to save some money first. His view was that I should just do it now. He says that Americans seem to have this sick sadistic idea of suffering for a time before going out and doing what they really want to do. He said that if he wanted to do soemthing, he would find a way to do it regardless of whether he had the money or not. His arguement definitly has merit, but I can't get over the financial thing.

The next day, I was woken up by Carpenter calling me on my cellie. He was like, "It's so beautiful out! I can't believe that you're not out of bed." It was half past ten. I wanted to sleep some more. Anyways, Carpenter wanted to hang out after he finished a job for a client that he works with, so I got showered and dress and at about noon, we headed over to Newbury Street. We saw the new Ferrari Enzo unveiled at Louis Boston, and spend about three or so hours talking to the DJ in the store about music. He thinks I should open the cafe like I'm describing. He also told me to open it up without partners if I could, and if I did need to take a partner, try to make it a family member, because they're less likely to hassle you saying, "Where's my cut?" I don't know if I believe him (though he did start, own and sell off Boston Beat Records), but I did listen to what he had to say.

After that, we cruised down Newbury Street, had a quick snack at The Otherside Cosmic Cafe (It's Gazpatcho season, baby!), got some ice cream and shopped around a bit. Since it was the last day that HMV was going to be open in Harvard Square, we kicked it over there. I was a bad kid. I bought the new MJ Cole import CD, Mix Show 2 mixed by The Happy Boys which features WhoDaFunk's Shiny Disco Balls, and an Everything But The Girl import and a Corrs DVD. The great thing about it was that I was paying normal CD prices for import CDs. The shitty news was that I spent money. DOH! I'm trying to cut down. Really, I am. I believe that when I go out and buy a kick scooter and look at a fleece vest for a hundred and ten dollars. But it's a really nice fleece vest....

Following my little shopping spree, we went to meet up with Emeril, his girlfriend (we'll call her Two Yaks), and another guy for Emeril's birthday dinner. See, I'm calling Emeril's girlfriend Two Yaks, because we were running late and they were sitting on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant (two guys and a girl) waiting for us. As we drive up, I roll down the window and say, "How much for the woman? I give you one yak. Good price. One yak." It was amusing, but she negotiated herself to one yak and two water buffalo and then to two yaks. Anyways... So, we went and ate at Out Of The Blue, a seafood restaurant in Davis Square. See, I didn't think that it was going to be really good, because it looked really low brow, but the food there was awesome, down to the presentation. Yummy!

After that, Carpenter and I went to go see X2 - X-Men United It was a pretty good movie. I thought Nightcrawler's special effects, character development and all that were amazing. In addition there were some interesting twists in it that I didn't expect. I think any comic book fan should go see this, if not for the storylines, then at least for the Nightcrawler scenes. I must say, they picked the perfect actor to do the part.

Sunday, again, I was at practice all day long. Hulk worked us on the unnatural side and I was kind of killin' I was hurtin'. So, by the time that I was going to paddle fro the novice practice at the end of the day, my back was tweaking. Fester tried to goad me into working it harder, which worked a bit, but I guarantee that I can still pull harder and reach farther than he can. It don't matter anyways though. I'm just the drummer. When I ran the intermediate practice, I was kind of a hard ass. I was a real stickler about things. We focused primarily on power application. Another funny thing... See, last Sunday, I got sunburnt, but I didn't start peeling until this past Sunday. It was weird, like a crazy delayed reaction. Usually when I get burnt, I start peeling a couple days after it happens. It took an entire week this time.

By the time I got home from practice on Sunday, I was spent. I just sat at home watching TV, instead of going out with The Violent One and Ye-ah. I couldn't bring myself to get off the couch. Instead, I just watched the Survivor: The Amazon finale and went off to sleep. I really needed it.

The great thing about this weekend was that it didn't end on Sunday. I had Monday off as a flex day. So I thought I was going to sleep late, but someone called me at like ten o'clock. I can't remember who. The Shutterbug called me at around half past ten. Then The Violent One called me a half past eleven to tell me that she was playing hookie. So, I got my ass out of bed, showered, ate some shu mai, went downtown to pay my Sprint bill, then headed over to The Violent One's place to check my e-mail and stuff. She was also taking me to this place that I thought would repair my discman. They told me that I should just buy a new one. I checked out new discmen at Tweeter, and decided to wait on buying a new one until I knew I was going to be on a long trip (like Amsterdam). We also went to this great bubble tea place. I've developed more of a liking for bubble tea as of late. The bubbles don't make me feel ill anymore. We also poked around a few outdoor stores like Ski Market and Bob's Wilderness Shop or something like that. That's where I saw the fleece vest for a hundred and ten dollars that I really want. I'm going over there today after work to ask them some more questions about it.

At around four, The Violent One had to go to a recording session and I needed to get home for practice. So, took the T home and got ready for practice. However, when we got to the docks, we didn't have enough people to really go out. That kind of sucked. So, five of us ended up at the Cambridge Common shooting the shit until half past ten. Pretty hum-drum.

Well, I need to go. It's almost five and I have to go out to Allston to chekc out this fleece again. I could be a dork and just buy it. I don't know if i can justify paying the money for a fleece vest. A lot of crap happened at work today that I'm not happy about, but I can't get into it now. I would complain about it more, but I don't have time. Maybe tomorrow. In addition to all of that crap, I've hit one of those short lived moods where I say to myself, "Women aren't worth the trouble to go and find." Yeah. Might as well get used to the singlton-hood. *shrug* At least I have friends, right?


  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/13/2003 04:57:55 PM

 
The Weekend Starts Here
Listening: Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound. Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now!

Last night, last minute, Booch and I decided to grab dinner. Between the time I got out of work and the time she would be ready to go, I had an hour and a half, a half hour to get back to Kendall and I thought I'd have an hour to drop off two rolls of film that I had sitting around in my man-purse. So I get to the Galleria and drop my film off and look around. Nothing I'm looking for is on sale, or if it is on sale, they only have 3XL stuff that would look like an extremly dorky dress on me. There was some phatty Adidas gear on sale, but the smallest they had was a medium. See, normally, I would wear a medium, but for what I want it for, I need a small. I need it to be a bit more form fitting. I can have loose cloth hangin' around the dragon boat. I was wearing a loose muscle shirt the other day and the girl behind me kept clawing at it. So, anyways, I dropped the film off, but I didn't get a chance to really get it, because it took longer than I thought. By the time Booch was ready to go, I still had fifteen more minutes before they said it would be ready. So, I left it. I'll go pick it up today.

Booch and I had an iffy dinner, but ended up chillin out for the rest of the night. We were gonna go meet THE Hustler at Good Times in Assembly Square, but that didn't happen. We did, however make it to Dado Tea House for some bubble tea. I had some strange honeydew flavored bubble tea. It wasn't half bad. I was expecting the tapioca bubbles to be honeydew flavored, but instad they put some sort of honeydew flour into the tea. It was weird but strangely and amazingly good. I'd get it again.

After The Violent One and THE Hustler showed up, we hung out for a bit longer and then The Violent One and I went to go see a show at The Middle East. It was a free show and I'm going to see the same band later on tonite. I'm kinda psyched. It's supposed to be a CD release party. Should be a good time.

Practice for today was cancelled due to the fact that Hulk had tickets to the playoff game tonite. Yeah, I would cancel practice too. We just couldn't get the gear from point A to point B. Unfortunate. If I had though of it earlier, I would have told him that maybe we should do some dry land training like running and calisthetics. Maybe next time. Anyways, I wanna go soon. This week has given me a headache. I've been thinking too much. All of this talk of a small business in really starting to hit. I need to figure out what's going on with it. The world is a-changin' right in front of our eyes.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/9/2003 03:37:07 PM

 
Not So Sore Today
Listening: Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know. He's in the best selling show. Is there life on Mars?

Today, after practice, I don't hurt so much. Yeah, that's right. I feel better today after practice than I did yesterday before practice. Weird, no? Yesterday, we did some switching around in the boat. First, I was in the back on the left, the two positions that I hate the most, but as practice wore on, I ended up being back on the right in the stroke position. I was really proud of my power yesterday. I really pulled how I knew I could. We had a new paddler from London practicing with us. I think she needs some work, but she shows promise.

So, a funny thing happened after practice. Now, normally I change rigth after practice unless I'm taking the boat back to the mooring. I was soaked on all sides when I stepped off the boat and I was beginning to get cold so I opted to say, "Fuck it" to the boat and just changed. I let someone else take it back. When I put on mu UFOs and dried off, I neglected to zip up my fly. Yeah... So then I led stretches with my fly down. It wasn't until after stretches that one of the more attractive gals on the team pointed out that my fly was down. I was embarrassed for a brief moment, but I think I played it off well. I showed them my plaid boxers through my fly and told them that I had the most extensive collection of plaid boxers on the east coast and that thoughtout the season, they would see each and every pair. Granted, it wasn't the most tasteful or modest thing that could have ever said, but what else would I do, just say, "Hrumph... thankz," and zip it up quietly? I think that would have instigated more laughing at ZEN!!! as opposed to laughing with ZEN!!! Ha... The great thing is that it had to happen in front of, I would say three of the six most attracive girls on the team... If not the most attractive, at least the coolest. Oh well... It's not like I'm looking to date a dragon boater, so what do I have to worry about.

After practice, I had dinner with Hulk and ran into a girl I used to hang out with who went to MIT. She just sort of dropped off the face of the earth, stopped calling me and stopped acknowledging me. And she still has a book of mine. Grrr... Well, I guess I should have seen it coming. She's a wikkid hardcore christian girl and I tried to make her question it. Christians tend to get a bit persnickety when you start trashing thier beliefs or their foundation of morality. Silly christians. She's not the first nor was she the last one that I have punched religious buttons on. I think I just have fun doing that. It was interesting seeing her nonetheless. She actually acknowledged me. I'm sure that I could have gone over to her table (which was literally right behind mine) and could have caught up with her, but I didn't see her as being worth it. Maybe if she had my book with her then it would have been worth it. *shrug*

Following dinner, I went home to shower and then read up on starting a small business. There's so much that I don't understand. I don't know how to come up with the numbers that they're asking for. I don't know how to calculate cost. I don't know any of this kind of stuff. I wish I had a more business savy partner. The more I think of it, the more think that I would like to have Scoops open up this place with me. He has the educational background from Johnson & Wales, so he knows his restaurant stuff. I know so many people that would be able to help me, but the two things that I need the most are someone who knows how to write a business plan and someone to fund the project with me. I have all of the creative juices stored up. When you're not using them at work, they tend to build up and become daydreams.

Well, it's time to go. I have to get home and I want to drop off my film at the Galleria.


  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/8/2003 04:14:47 PM

 
My Business Is Small Business
Listening: There is no good reason I should have to be so alone

So last night I did nothing but four loads of laundry and a little TV watching. Exciting, no? I contemplated just walking around the city, but I knew I couldn't record two things simultaneously. I figure I might as well watch all of the plot lines that I have been watching through to the season/series enders.

Today I spent a great deal of my time looking on the internet for information on starting a small business. Yeah. I think I'm gonna bank on not being laid off. So, after dragon boat season, I'm going to completely cut my spending. This means putting a jar of peanut butter and a box of crackers in my desk drawer for lunch and no more clubbing (or at least minimizing it) for an entire year. I should net a reasonable amount of change from that and with that I want to become an entrepreneur. I want to own that cafe that I can see so well in my mind. I'm gonna work towards that project. I just wish I had more people in on the whole deal. I mean it would be great to be the sole owner, but I think I might need investors. I'll work on that.

Well, time to go to the post office and then home to change and rest before practice.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/7/2003 04:10:35 PM

 
Everybody Hurts, But Not For Three Days
Listening: Whenever I'm down, I call on you my friend.

Okay, I've been hurting physically for the past three days. I'm sore. Ouch. Sore. It's probably due to the fact that I was paddling for four hours on Sunday, but, hey, I guess it was my choice, no? Last night I ran practice. There were only ten of us there, so there were only eight paddlers. Everyone, and I mean everyone was doggin' the practice. There was very little power and the timing was off. I didn't feel like I could do anything with them. We did some pairs progression and some power pieces, but all in all, it was a poor showing. After practice, I got dinner with Palms, Mr. E-Bay and another one of the new teammates at Pu Pu Hot Pot and for ice cream at Toscanini's. It was a fine time. After I got home, I watched my taped episodes of American Dreams and Alias and went to sleep on time.

This morning, I got up late. I am usually out of bed at seven or five past seven, but today, I opened my eyes and it was twenty past. When I grabbed my towel and made for the shower, I found the bathroom to be otherwise occupied. There's nothing worse than being late and not being able to get into the bathroom. I had to wait another ten minutes before I could get in. See, I leave my house at half past usually. Sunuvabitch. I hate that. So I was late for the day and it kind of set a tone for me for the rest of the day.

So, with that said, I think that this is a good day for me to stay in. Actually I'm gonna do laundry and then I'm going to stay in and watch TV. That's it. Maybe my body will stop hurting. Time to go. I wanna get out of here early.

  posted by The ZEN!!! Master @ 5/6/2003 03:49:07 PM

 
Is That The Pit Of My Stomach Or Is There Just No One To See?
Listening: The only difference that I see is that you are exactly the same as you used to be...

Today, I think I feel a little bit lonely. I have this feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach that I have felt before, so I know it's not the fact that it's a quarter to two and I have only had an iced coffee and a donut. I think I feel just really isolated today, but I'll get into it a bit later. For now I'll give you the skinny on the weekend.

So, Friday night, I ran practice. It was a blustery day in Boston. All day Hulk and I checked weather.com to see what kind of weather we would have. I had heard that it was supposed to rain and be miserable, but as the day went on, the weather report changed every five minutes. One second, they said that it was going to be rainy, then party loudy, then partly sunny, then rainy again, and then to thunderstorms. It really did change every five minutes. When Hulk and I got to the docks, it looked like a fierce storm was brewing, but in the distance, over near the Museum of Science, there was a bit of a clearing, where the sky looked a little less purple and a little more pink. So, once enough people came out to have some fun, we went out into the cold river to battle white caps and high winds. The paddlers struggled to keep their paddles going. At some points, the boat got blown back. It was crazy. Ther waves would bubble up below us and then all of a sudden there would be nothing and we would drop a foot or two back into the water. It was like being on a roller coaster. It wasn't as crazy as the water was on the first day of teh Liberty race, but it was fantastic nonetheless. I don't know how everyone reallyn felt about the practice, because it was kind of hectic. It was a challenge just to keep control of the boat.

Following practice, I had dinner with Hulk and Palms at Uno's I got this stuff called "Rattlesnake Pasta." It was less than good. It was better than the service though. I guess the kitchen screwed up, the waitress was overly apologetic, and apparently the manager was a dick. It all worked out for the better, because when we got our bill, it wasn't our bill and was probably ten or more dollars than our meal was supposed to be. So we paid it and were done with it. Dishonest? Yes. Do I have conscience issues over it? No.

After dinner Hulk and I were gonna grab Sassy to go see X2, but since the service sucked so bad and because I was bombed out (tired), we didn't go. I ended up kicking it home by a little past ten to lie on the couch and watch the shows that I had recorded last week. It was nice. I needed the rest.

The next morning, I woke up at half past eleven or so. I planned on jumping right into she shower, packing the beer I stuck into the fridge the night before into a backpack and heading off to the Dragon Boat party/general meeting. However the bathroom was otherwise occupied and so I turned on the TV and watched a bit of Nashville Star I don't know why I like watching that show. Typically I don't like country music, but it drew me in. I thought the country music of Miranda Lambert and John Arthur Martinez was particularly good. I remember seeing Miranda Lambert sing John Mellencamp's Hurts So Good and it was amazing. John Arthur Martinez's voice sounds like the lead singer of Jay and the Americans who sings that old fifties song Come a little bit closer. It's the one that goes, "Come a little bit closer. You're my kinda man, so big and so strong. Come a little bit closer. I'm all alone and the night is so long." I think that song is one of the few oldies I used to really dig listening to when I sat in the back seat of my parents' car back in the day.

Anyways, after I showered and stuff, I headed over to LSG's apartment in Somerville. Surprisingly, I was early. See, I thought the party began at around noon. Instead, it started at one, but with Asian Standard Time, it started at two. There were people there when I got there, but, essentially it was all of the hardcore folk. It was nice to get there early. It gave me a chance to chill a bit before the masses got there. For some reason, I feel the need to be a leader in this club. I have no desire to be a club officer, nor do I want to be a haphazard paddler. But, I think that as one of the two main coaches, I have to make it to every event and such. Much like I have taken ownership of the work I do at my job, I have taken ownership of the club. I have no real obligation to the club, but I feel like I do. I guess it's a bit of pressure I put on myself because I want to get the club to a point where we're not just placing, but winning as well. Anyways, there were a lot of new faces at the party. There was this one chica who Fester insisted was hot as hell and who Hulk thought was attractive. I'm not sure if she's hot or not, but she's definitely attractive. She seems pretty down to earth and has fascinating interests and an interesting background. I think she's gonna be a part of the team this summer, so maybe I'll name her later.

So, I was at the party until around seven or so when Carpenter and The Violent One showed up to wisk me off to get sushi. Yeah, baby! We had some good Japanese eats while discussing dating and such. We all contributed to the conversation, but we were all over Carpenter for being the old man at the table. Carpenter's cool though. I know plenty of people his age who have already resigned themselves to listening strictly to classic rock stations, sitting at home complaining about "whipper-snappers," and making sure they have enough Depends. Naw, Carpenter really isn't that old. He's ten years my senior, but he wears it well. He's up for anything and he's got a keen taste in new electronica. Heh... We enlighten each other to new music. Following dinner, though, we tried to see X2 (again) to no avail, so we saw Phone Booth instead. It was a pretty good movie for an eighty minute movie. There was never a really dull moment. I think the director and the writer were extremly talented in keeping the plot moving. But I was home by midnight and in bed by one.

Yesterday, I was out on the river all day. I got to the docks around nine and didn't leave until after four. There were three practices and two clinics in between each session. I didn't have many people in the clinics, but I think I'm gonna keep offering them until I think everyone has a reasonable stroke. Sometimes I just want to grab people and say, "NO! LIKE THIS!" but I don't really want to humiliate people like that. I will make fun of people for being themselves, but I try not to humiliate people on the boat as a part of a team. I think it detracts from the team mentality and would give someone a real confidence problem. Sometimes when you critique people in front of a large group of people that they have to work with, they perform even worse. I don't want to do that.

So I was out on the river with three groups of people. The first practice was for the Advanced Team. For once, not only was I paddling, but I was in the last row. That was weird. I don't know how I felt about that. I was seated next to Paddleback who is usually closer to the front of the boat as well. The water feels much different from the back than it does from the front. I don't get as much pressure on the paddle or anything like that. The second practice was an intermediate practice. There were only seven people on the boat for that practice. I thought it was a bit unfortunate that we didn't have more people. I would have done more with a full boat. I dno't think that I had the power tha